Bad Bridesmaid Page 14

  It’s interesting that Leo used to be fat – that’s probably why he’s so nice now. You often find that people like Nancy, who was both skinny and a bully at school, grow up and remain a bit of an arsehole for the rest of their lives, whereas people like Leo and I had to be nice to make friends. Now Leo is hot enough to be as horrible as he wants, but he isn’t, and I really like that about him.

  ‘Give me a lick of that lolly,’ I insist, poking my tongue out in preparation.

  ‘Careful, it’s a slippery slope to putting all that weight back on,’ he jokingly warns me as he hands it over. ‘Remember, nothing tastes as good as thin feels.’

  I playfully hit Leo on nose with the remainder of the lolly, but I must have done so harder than I realised because he jumps to his feet.

  ‘Shit! My nose!’ he cries out, his hands clapped over his face.

  ‘Oh fuck! Don’t tell me I’ve broken your nose, Belle will kill me if the photos are ruined,’ I panic.

  Leo stops, removes his hands from his perfectly fine nose and his face dissolves into a massive smile.

  ‘Got you,’ he teases.

  ‘You bastard,’ I shriek. ‘Haven’t you ever heard of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? The third time you might not be so lucky.’

  ‘It was worth it, just to see the look on your face,’ he chuckles. ‘You really are worried about this wedding, aren’t you?’

  ‘I just don’t want another reason for everyone to be mad at me.’

  ‘Come here, fatty,’ Leo says, grabbing me and throwing me over his shoulder, fireman style. ‘Let’s get back to the house before they send out a search party.’

  Chapter 24

  This morning the family has gathered together for a “formal breakfast” at Belle’s request, because Dan is finally able to move and he’s coming down to eat with us. This news has delighted Belle, because if Dan can make it downstairs for breakfast, then he’ll probably be totally recovered by the day of the wedding. In fact, Belle is so delighted that she’s even talking to me normally again – well, when I say normally, I mean normal for Belle.

  As Dan enters the room slowly and takes a seat at the table, a few of us cheer his efforts.

  ‘I thought I was going to have to stand in for you,’ Mike jokes to his younger brother.

  ‘Unlucky, bro,’ Dan replies.

  ‘Maybe on your wedding night?’ Mike persists, and I can’t help but laugh.

  ‘Michael,’ his mother snaps at him, and she shoots me a filthy look too for daring to chuckle.

  With everyone sitting around the table, Belle goes off to the kitchen to start making breakfast and the conversation soon turns to the day ahead.

  ‘So where are we going for lunch?’ my granddad asks.

  My gran clicks her tongue. ‘You haven’t even had your breakfast yet, Jack.’

  ‘I know, it’s just I’ve been thinking about the delicious fish and chips we had the other day. We need to make the most of them while we’re here.’

  As my family all discuss the most incredible fish and chips they have ever tasted, I sit and twirl a piece of my hair with my fingers, bored out of my mind.

  ‘They really are incredible, you know,’ Nancy tells Leo, blatantly flirting with him.

  ‘I’m not a big fan of chips,’ Leo replies.

  ‘Well, just have the fish then,’ she reasons, leaning closer to him.

  I’m sitting across the table from them so I can’t help but see, and for some reason it’s really annoying me to see her flirting with him – probably because if she had known him at school, she would have made his life hell. I’m not sure if it’s because of what I told him, but Leo isn’t flirting back. I am distracted from Nancy and Leo by my auntie mentioning my name.

  ‘Mia can look after the kids again,’ she tells everyone.

  ‘I have to work today,’ I reply. ‘The wedding is getting closer and I’m running out of time. Anyway, you sure got over the whole Pulp Fiction thing fast when you got hungry, didn’t you?’

  ‘Don’t be rude to your auntie, Mia,’ my mum reminds me, the same mum who preaches about treating others how you wish to be treated yourself – by that logic, my auntie is asking for it.

  ‘Sincerest apologies,’ I say sarcastically. ‘But I really do have to work.’

  ‘The damage has clearly already been done,’ my auntie reasons, ‘you couldn’t do any more harm, could you?’

  I could.

  ‘We want to stay with you, Mia,’ Josh chirps. Being one of the few people who genuinely likes me, I can’t bring myself to say no to him.

  ‘I’m sure I can manage a couple of hours,’ I give in, unable to resist Josh and Max’s cute little faces – although I’m not sure how I’ll entertain them this time.

  ‘Well I could go and do some work now while you guys eat breakfast,’ I suggest, standing up.

  ‘You’ll do no such thing,’ Dan’s mum snaps. ‘This is Dan’s special breakfast, and your sister has gone to a lot of effort. Sit back down.’

  I look over at my own mum – is she really going to let someone else tell her child off? Surely only she can do that. I wouldn’t mind, but I’m twenty-nine years old, no one should be able to tell me what I can and can’t do.

  The table has fallen silent during my ticking off. Leo, who is sitting opposite me, actually looks like he feels sorry for me, but I’m getting the same disapproving looks from everyone else.

  ‘OK,’ I say quietly as I sit back down.

  Dan’s mum starts serving drinks.

  ‘Tea or orange juice?’ she asks me.

  ‘I might have coffee,’ I tell her.

  ‘I didn’t say coffee. Tea or orange?’ she repeats angrily.

  ‘Neither. Thank you.’ I reply through gritted teeth.

  What I meant was that I would get my own drink, from the coffee machine they’re all too scared to touch. I wasn’t being smart with her. Am I being oversensitive or is she treating me worse than my mum, sister, auntie and gran combined? Still, no one else is speaking up, maybe it’s just me.

  ‘I’ll stay and help Mia with the kids,’ Leo says, breaking the silence.

  ‘You don’t need to do that,’ Nancy insists, clearly annoyed that her prey is getting away from her.

  ‘Mia knows how to look after us,’ Josh says in my defence. ‘She’s really cool. She lets us watch good films and she teaches us new words.’

  ‘Like what?’ my auntie asks. That caught her interest. I rack my brains, trying to remember what words I could have taught them, and hope that it wasn’t a bad one.

  ‘Strapadictomy,’ Josh says proudly.

  Oh shit. I didn’t even know I was saying that one in front of him, he was hiding in the room. Almost everyone under thirty looks highly amused, but the others just look puzzled.

  ‘Strapadictomy?’ my uncle echoes.

  ‘See, even I don’t know that one. Well done, Kid,’ my granddad says enthusiastically.

  ‘Strapadictomy, strapadictomy, strapadictomy,’ my auntie repeats, and by the third time she has said it out loud, everyone has realised what it means.

  ‘Mia,’ my auntie shrieks. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’

  Dan’s mum clicks her tongue and my own mum places her head in her hands.

  ‘You see,’ Leo chimes in, a big smile plastered across his face, ‘she needs me.’

  ‘I’m going to get a coffee,’ I say as I head for the door, and this time no one insists I stay.

  ***

  ‘Did I hear you upsetting Harriet before?’ my sister asks me the second I step into the kitchen.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Dan’s mum,’ she reminds me angrily.

  ‘Oh. Yes. Mum and Auntie June too.’

  ‘Mia, please don’t upset anyone, especially not Harriet.’

  ‘Your mother-in-law hates me – I thought she was supposed to hate you.’

  ‘You think life is a movie,’ my sister laughs, and whether she’s right or not, it’s nice to see her looking relax
ed, and if she’s joking around with me then hopefully she’s forgiven me for the little hand job misunderstanding.

  Hopefully things will get better now. Dan is mobile again, my sister seems to be OK with me and if I can just get this work done, then maybe I can actually enjoy myself at this wedding. Perhaps some of the oldies would still rather I weren’t here, but the kids like me, Mike is so much fun and Leo… well, I’m just really glad he’s here.

  ‘I’m babysitting today,’ I tell my sister as I make my coffee, ‘so I’m just going to nip upstairs and download some porn.’

  My sister rolls her eyes at me as she fries bacon.

  ‘I’m actually going to go and do some work, then Leo and I are going to entertain the kids while you guys go for lunch.’

  ‘Ooh, Leo and I,’ my sister teases. ‘You two seem to be getting on well.’

  ‘Yeah, he’s cool,’ I reply casually. ‘A good friend.’

  ‘I didn’t realise you had friends, I though you only had F buddies.’

  ‘Very funny,’ I reply, because I think she was joking. Not about the F word though, God forbid Belle would say such a naughty word.

  ***

  Having a shower and washing my hair before I started my work seemed like a brilliant idea, that way I could make sure I was ready to go and then work right up until the second it was time to babysit. After swapping my shower for a nice relaxing bath, slipping on something sexy (but hopefully still appropriate babysitting attire) and curling my hair, I had only just sat down to work when Josh, Max and Leo came bounding into the room. Josh jumped up and down on the bed, cheering on Max who had Leo in a headlock. I couldn’t help but smile as Leo jokingly begged and pleaded with the ten year old not to break his neck. He’s got that “way” with kids, something I appear to be missing.

  With no chance of getting any work done, Leo and I thought it best we take the kids out for the afternoon, although with neither of us knowing the area we don’t exactly know where the child-friendly places are. I told Leo that finding somewhere to go is entirely his responsibility because, based on my track record, I can’t guarantee I won’t accidently take them to a brothel, sign them up for the navy or something else Auntie June would probably not approve of. After a lovely stroll along the beach, we decide to pop into the café to see if Shell has any ideas.

  ‘Hello my lovely,’ she says, greeting me with a hug much warmer than any of the female members of my family have given me since I arrived. She greets Leo, and despite this only being the second time she has met him, he gets a lingering hug too – then again, Leo has one of those bodies that you just don’t want to let go of.

  ‘We’re on babysitting duty today,’ I tell her, nodding in the direction of Josh and Max, who are currently ripping open sachets of sugar and making neat little lines of white powder on the table. ‘Leo, do you want to… erm…’ my voice trails off. I don’t need to tell him to intervene before the boys start snorting it, he’s already on the case.

  ‘They seem like a handful,’ Shell laughs.

  ‘They are,’ I agree, failing to point out that they probably weren’t until they met me. ‘I was wondering if you knew of anywhere we could take them today, somewhere that will keep them entertained.’

  ‘What do they like?’ Shell asks.

  ‘Aside from doing lines and pretending to shoot each other? I have no idea,’ I laugh.

  Shell wanders over to the tourist display and grabs a leaflet before handing it to me.

  ‘This will be perfect,’ she says, smiling widely. ‘And it will give you and that lush gentleman some time alone together. To talk,’ she adds quickly.

  As I look over the leaflet for Blazer, an indoor laser tag centre, I know that it will be perfect for the boys.

  ‘Oh, they will love this,’ I squeak. ‘Thank you so much.’

  ‘You’re welcome,’ Shell replies. ‘I’ll pack you up to some cupcakes to go. I always find sugar much more enjoyable when eaten.’

  Looking over at Josh, who is pretending to give Max an adrenalin injection to the heart, I think she might be right.

  Chapter 25

  After taking the boys to McDonald’s for hamburgers, the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast, we arrive at Blazer. Josh and Max charge through the doors, closely followed by Leo and me.

  Blazer is almost pitch black, even here in the lobby. There isn’t a single light that isn’t a bright neon colour, in fact the transition from the beautiful sunshine to these trippy lights is taking a little getting used to. That combined with the screams of joy from those already taking part, seem like the perfect conditions for creating one hell of a headache.

  ‘Four is it?’ the young lad behind the desk says.

  ‘Very good,’ I cackle. ‘Just two, please.’

  The young lad gives me a look and I realise he wasn’t joking.

  ‘It’s not just for kids, you know,’ he insists.

  ‘Ah but I’m sure it’s just for those wearing flat shoes.’

  I twist my foot slightly to show the persistent Blazer employee just how unfit for service I am.

  ‘You can hire shoes,’ super-helpful employee informs me. ‘We get lots of people coming here from the beach, I’m sure we’ll have your size.’

  ‘Hire shoes?’ I squeak. The idea of handing over money for the privilege of flat, ugly shoes that have been worn by thousands of other people doesn’t exactly have me reaching for my purse – but before I can say anything, Leo intervenes.

  ‘Come on, Mia. It looks like fun. Together we’ll crush these little twerps.’ Leo ruffles Josh’s hair before giving his head a playful push.

  I think for a moment.

  ‘It will be good cardio,’ Leo teases.

  ‘Go on then,’ I give in, and before I have the chance to change my mind I am being strapped into armour with brightly coloured flashing lights all over it, and being handed my gun. It’s a big old thing, and not only is it flashing equally as brightly as I am, but there’s a beam of light coming out of it which I shine on my cousin’s chest like a sniper taking aim on a target.

  ‘You’ll be sorry, turd,’ I warn him. I’m actually quite excited now, even in my rental shoes.

  Leo and I go through one door while the boys are ushered in through another. The aim of the game, I’m told, is to try and tag the other team with your laser, while avoiding their beams. It sounds simple enough but as we are thrown into the dark maze with only the glow of the neon light and our armour to see where we’re going, I realise we’re going to have to play it clever.

  ‘This way,’ Leo says, ready to charge his way through the maze.

  ‘Wait,’ I whisper. ‘We need to be tactical if we want to outsmart them.’

  ‘They’re kids,’ Leo reasons. ‘They’ll be hiding. When was the last time you played hide and seek? I bet they play it all the time.’

  ‘Yes, but they also think they’re Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction, and they’d come at us guns blazing.’

  Leo laughs and I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m trying to be tactical or because of what I’m suggesting, but he looks so gorgeous when he smiles.

  ‘OK,’ he laughs. ‘So we hide?’

  ‘Exactly. Let them come to us. Then we waste them.’

  ***

  ‘Can I get you a coffee from the machine?’ Leo asks me.

  ‘I’d rather eat something from one of the clinical waste bins,’ I snap, regretting it instantly. ‘Sorry. I’ve never been a big fan of hospitals.’

  Leo takes me by the hands and looks into my eyes.

  ‘Mia, it wasn’t your fault.’

  ‘The others won’t see it that way,’ I sigh.

  ‘Kids hurt themselves all the time.’

  ‘Kids hurt themselves, men hurt their backs, trousers get sent out in the wrong length… it doesn’t matter, it’s always my fault as far as that lot are concerned.’

  ‘Come on, Mia. All four of us were playing, any of us could have slipped and hurt our ankle. Anyway,
at least we won,’ he laughs.

  I smile, but only for a moment, until I see the nurse heading in our direction.

  ‘Josh will be fine,’ she assures us. ‘It’s a nasty sprain, but he’ll be better in no time. Ideally he needs to rest for a few days, but he mentioned that he’s on holiday and that his cousin is getting married so we’ll give him a pair of crutches. We’re going to pop a support on his ankle, then I’ll come back and go through the self-care techniques with you, OK?’

  ‘OK, sure. Thank you so much,’ I tell her. I exhale deeply – it feels like I’ve been holding my breath ever since I saw Josh hit the floor. It was no one’s fault really, we were all running around, chasing each other and ducking behind the obstacles for cover – he just lost his footing and went down the wrong way on his ankle. Like Leo said, it could have happened to any of us. Maybe Leo is right, maybe people will understand that this one wasn’t down to me.

  ***

  I’m not saying it was the right thing to do, but I didn’t call Auntie June and Uncle Steve from the hospital. At first it didn’t occur to me, I just wanted to make sure Josh was OK. Then, when I found out that he was going to be fine, I decided it might be best to explain it to them in person. After all, dragging them out to the hospital would make things seem much worse than they were, it’s much better to return him safe and almost sound, and then explain what happened.

  As the four of us creep in through the front door, Josh on Leo’s shoulders because Max wanted a turn on his crutches, we realise everyone is in the dining room having dinner.

  ‘It will be fine,’ Leo assures me with a smile before we head in.

  ‘Oh God,’ Dan’s auntie squeaks immediately, spying her son hopping in on crutches.

  ‘Mum, I’m fine,’ he insists and she looks visibly relieved. ‘They’re Josh’s.’