Drive Me Crazy Read online

  ‘Sure,’ I reply. Anything to keep him happy and to show him that I’m serious about this.

  ‘Also, what’s a Tinder date?’ he asks.

  ‘It’s a new low for single people,’ I reply, not really answering his question.

  ‘Not us then.’

  ‘Nope, not us.’

  ‘Right, get back to work, you lush,’ he teases, slapping my arse playfully as I stand up.

  ‘Yes, boss,’ I giggle, unable to hide my excitement. This trip really will be make or break for us, but I just can’t imagine it going any way other than perfectly. We love each other, we get on so well, the thought of me flirting with other guys drives him crazy – you don’t get much better than that, do you?

  Chapter 9

  Moments after leaving Will’s office and sitting back at my desk, the new guy turned up with a slice of cake for me. With Will just in his office, I panicked. As amazing as the cake looked…

  ‘I told you,’ I don’t eat junk, I reminded him.

  ‘I can vividly recall the speed at which you made two doughnuts disappear this week,’ he reminded me in turn, ‘which proves you do.’

  ‘That was a one-off from my usual diet,’ I replied, but that wasn’t enough of an explanation for the new guy.

  ‘Who told you that you need to lose weight?’ he asked. ‘Because if you really are doing this for yourself, someone needs to have a word with you, and if someone has told you that you need to, then I’ll be having two words with them and the second one is “off”.’

  I could have been almost touched by the new guy’s concern for me, but I was just so worried about Will walking out and catching us fraternising that I panicked, snapped at him and insisted that I was definitely doing this for myself and that my willpower was flawless. Now I’ve had to make a mental note to never eat junk in front of him again, because I just know he’ll be all smug about it.

  Despite my afternoon getting off to a rocky start, it’s not enough to take the spring out of my step as I climb the stairs to my flat. I feel on top of the world right now, so much so I can’t help but sing to myself as I unlock the door. I walk through the door as I get to a part of Huey Lewis and the News’s ‘The Power of Love’ that my limited vocal range just cannot pull off, only to be greeted by Amy and her gaggle of bridesmaids. Everyone laughs at me.

  ‘Sorry, just really happy today,’ I say by way of an explanation.

  ‘Why, have you finally met someone?’ Amy’s nosey younger cousin Jackie asks. That’s the thing about secret relationships, to everyone else I seem like I’m eternally single.

  I smile widely.

  ‘Oh my God, you have,’ Jackie squeaks, sounding delighted for me. I like Jackie; she’s like a fun, energetic little springer spaniel. The same cannot be said for Amy’s friend Lea who is, to put it bluntly, a fucking bitch. We’ve never really got on, and the amount I’m having to see her for wedding-related stuff is really bugging me. It’s only as I’m standing here in the living room with Amy and the other bridesmaids that I realise we’ve got one final dress fitting this evening, just to make sure everyone’s dress still fits nicely.

  ‘So you’ll be bringing a plus one to the wedding?’ Lea asks in disbelief.

  ‘Yep,’ I reply confidently. I see Amy pull a face, but I’m confident. My week with Will is going to be perfect, we’re going to work everything out and I just know he’ll come to the wedding with me. He’s really going out of his way to make this work. I’m sure he’ll understand that I need him to do this.

  ‘Well I’ll pencil it in,’ Lea says, making a note in Amy’s wedding planner.

  ‘Use a pen,’ I tell her, full of confidence. ‘In fact, I’ll get you one.’

  Before I have a chance to start launching stationery at Lea, Amy grabs my dress and steers me towards my bedroom to try it on. I completely forgot we were all meeting here, so I stopped at the shops on the way home to get a few bits for Friday, just in case I didn’t have time tomorrow. Everyone has tried her dress on except me.

  As Amy closes my bedroom door behind us, I notice the parcels on my bed.

  ‘It’s a good job I was in,’ Amy starts, ‘there was a delivery for you.’

  I tear open the larger box like a child on Christmas morning. Inside is a Louis Vuitton suitcase and a holdall, and a note that reads: ‘New luggage for the start of a new journey. Love Will.’

  ‘From your fancy man?’ Amy asks, and I nod. ‘They look expensive.’

  I open the second box to find a garment bag with a note attached that reads: ‘Not to be opened until day seven.’

  ‘Well, these are going to make my present seem shit,’ Amy sighs.

  ‘You got me a present?’ I smile. ‘Why?’

  Amy hands my a little piece of card with a silver bracelet attached. The card reads: ‘good luck’ and the bracelet has a little silver horseshoe charm hanging from it. I love it!

  ‘Aims, that is beautiful,’ I tell her honestly as I remove it from the card to put it on.

  ‘Just a little something to wish you all the best on your little life-changing trip,’ she says pulling a face, but I know that she cares about me and it means a lot.

  ‘One thing though,’ I start. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in luck? I thought we were all fully in charge of our own destinies?’

  ‘Oh, we are,’ she admits. ‘But you need all the help you can get.’

  I laugh.

  ‘Right, let’s get this dress on and off so I can get you guys out of here, get to bed and get on with the first day of the rest of my life,’ I squeak excitedly.

  I chat as Amy helps me into my dress. It’s baby blue, and one of those multi-way bridesmaid dresses that you can wear several different styles, depending on how you fasten it. It’s actually a really beautiful dress, which surprises me. Not because I don’t think my friend has good taste, but because I was expecting something hippy-chic to match her usual style. Her wedding dress isn’t as hippy-esque as I’d feared it would be, but I’m yet to see what her fiancé, Ted, will be wearing. He’s a beardy, plaid-shirt-wearing hipster, so you know it’s going to be something cool.

  ‘Thank you for looking after Honey while I’m away,’ I tell her as she bandages me into my dress. I know she’s not a cat person anyway, but she and Honey really don’t like each other.

  ‘Never mind that,’ Amy says. ‘You’ve lost more weight!’

  ‘I don’t think I have,’ I say innocently.

  ‘Oh, “I don’t think I have”?’ Amy says, mocking my voice. ‘You don’t notice the number going down when you weigh yourself sixteen times a fucking day?’

  ‘I’m just losing a little body fat,’ I tell her.

  ‘You’re losing your shape,’ she tells me. ‘This dress doesn’t fit you as nicely as it did before. Your jugs are disappearing too.’

  My friend prods me in the boob with her index finger.

  I examine my body in the mirror, running my hands down my front to smooth my dress out.

  ‘Make sure you eat right while you’re away,’ Amy insists. ‘If you come back and this dress hangs from your skeletal frame, I will be pissed off that you ruined my wedding photos, OK?’

  ‘OK,’ I reply with a smile. I’m a long way off skeletal territory, but maybe I can relax my diet once Will and I have sorted things out. I only panic so much about perfection because I don’t want to lose him. So I work out a bit more, eat a bit less, watch my language and dress more appropriately. It’s all worth it because I am in love, and when you’re in love that’s what you do: you make sacrifices.

  ‘And don’t forget tomorrow night,’ she reminds me.

  ‘Tomorrow night?’

  ‘You forgot tonight, you’ve forgotten tomorrow night – girl you are forgetting what’s important in life and that is my wedding.’ She laughs. ‘We’re meeting here for drinks – my last as a single woman. Remember, it was supposed to be nearer the wedding but you’re doing a bunk on me.’

  ‘Oh yeah, of course. I’ll
be here,’ I tell her. I mean, of course I’ll be here, I live here, but I’ll endure it. It’s safe to say that Amy’s friends are not my friends, so you can imagine how little I enjoyed her hen party a few weeks ago. Thankfully I survived it, but only by spending it wasted. No chance I can do that tomorrow night though. I can’t meet Will in the morning to hit the road with a hangover – he doesn’t like it when I drink too much.

  I smile at myself in the mirror. Not long to go now. This time on Friday I’ll probably be out to dinner with Will. Then we’ll be heading to the hotel for a night in a luscious king-size bed. As much as I love Honey, it’ll be nice to get a break from her hogging my double bed and waking me up whenever she feels like it because she’s hungry.

  Nope, not long to go now. From Friday, everything will be different.

  Chapter 10

  ‘Oops.’

  I feel my eyes dart from left to right, covering every inch of the screen in front of me as I try to work out what the fuck I just did.

  ‘That doesn’t sound good,’ Caroline observes, looking at me over the top of her glasses. ‘What have you done now?’

  She makes it sounds like I’m always making mistakes, when really – most of the time – we just differ on what is the most practical way to do things. Sweet Caroline and I often have different opinions. What she will brand ‘laziness’, I will call ‘selective participation’ – as a way to better manage my time, of course.

  The truth is that I have no idea what I’ve just done. I’ve only been at work twenty minutes and already I’m making mistakes. I was going through Will’s emails, highlighting the high-priority ones when, suddenly, my screen flipped 180 degrees. Everything is upside down now.

  ‘Erm, everything is upside down now,’ I tell her, with no better way to explain my predicament springing to mind.

  ‘Don’t be silly, that’s not possible,’ she tuts.

  ‘No, really.’

  I twist my screen around so she can see it.

  ‘How on earth have you done that?’ she asks.

  ‘I didn’t do anything,’ I say defensively. Well, I don’t think I did. I was just tapping away on the keyboard and it flipped. This is what happens when you try to get on with work while you’re pondering what you’ll be ordering from room service in each hotel.

  Caroline exhales deeply. ‘I’ll call IT.’

  ‘There’s no need to do that,’ I say quickly.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ She laughs. ‘Stand on your head?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  But she’s given me an idea. I take a large blob of Blu Tack from my top drawer and fix it firmly on the top of my flat screen monitor, and then I turn it upside down and secure it to my desk.

  ‘Why on earth have you done that?’ Caroline asks.

  ‘I don’t want to bother IT with it. It’s fine, I can work like this,’ I insist.

  Caroline doesn’t have a response to this. She simply picks up her phone. ‘Hello,’ she says to someone at the other end. ‘Candice has had a little accident with her computer – lots on her mind,’ she explains. ‘Can you send someone up to help? Thank you so much.’

  She hangs up the phone before getting back on with her work.

  ‘Someone from IT is on the way. Don’t touch anything.’

  ‘Great,’ I reply, hoping it’s anyone but the new guy. Will is currently in his office working. He just sent me a copy of the itinerary for the week and I couldn’t be more excited – that’s why I started looking at hotel restaurant menus and getting distracted. The last thing I need is the new guy coming up, talking to me and pissing Will off so close to our trip. I can’t think of anything that would better mess up our plans!

  I take a piece of hair that isn’t wrapped up in my usual, sensible side plait and twirl it with my fingers as I stare at the ceiling. The Isle of Man is the first stop on our trip and while it isn’t exactly a trip abroad, I’ve never actually left Lancashire before. We’ll be taking the ferry, which I’m weirdly excited about because I’ve never been on so much as a pedal boat. That said, my only knowledge of big boats I picked up from two movies: Titanic, a movie that everyone has seen (if not during its maiden voyage in 1997, then certainly at least once since) and something called Ghost Ship that I stumbled upon by accident after getting lost in a dark corner of Netflix one evening. Neither of these films paints a particularly pretty picture when it comes to hitting the open waters, but I’m looking forward to it none the less.

  The phone on Caroline’s desk is ringing, but she’s gone to use the photocopier. I know that I should answer it, but as I approach it I can see from the caller ID who it is: Stephanie, Will’s wife. I hesitate for a moment too long and the call goes through to voicemail. No message is left.

  I start walking back towards my desk when the phone starts ringing again. I turn around and stare at it, too scared to check if it’s Stephanie again. If she’s calling for a second time she must really need to speak to Will, but why?

  Deep in thought, I don’t even notice Caroline re-enter the room. She darts for the phone to answer it.

  ‘Good afternoon, Starr Haulage,’ she chirps.

  I slink back over to my desk and take a seat behind my upside-down screen. It looks absolutely ridiculous, but it was a fast and effective solution – so long as I remember to move the mouse in the opposite direction, of course.

  I look up at Caroline who has gone awfully quiet. I watch as the colour drains from her face, before she quickly dashes into Will’s office, closing the door behind her. Now I wish I’d taken the call, or at least looked to see who it was the second time. My mind has gone into overdrive.

  ‘Morning,’ I hear a cheeky Geordie accent in the room, snapping me from my thoughts.

  ‘You,’ I can’t help but say out loud.

  ‘Yes, me,’ he replies, confused. ‘You have an IT problem, I work in IT – who were you expecting?’

  ‘Never mind,’ I reply. ‘It’s my screen.’

  The new guy stares at it thoughtfully for a moment, rubbing his chin as he assesses the issue.

  ‘Right, yes, I see the problem here… Your monitor is upside down,’ he says patronisingly, raising his voice and enunciating each word as though he were talking to a feeble-minded Alzheimer’s sufferer.

  ‘I know that,’ I reply in a similar tone. ‘It was the only way I could use it – everything is upside down. I don’t know what could’ve possibly caused it.’

  ‘I do,’ he tells me as he returns the monitor to its rightful position. He hits a couple of keys and in an instant everything is the right way up again.

  ‘You probably knocked a keyboard shortcut that rotates your screen without you needing to go into the graphics control panel,’ he explains, but I’m not really listening. I’m just staring at Will’s office door, wondering what’s going on inside.

  ‘You’d be surprised how many people knock it. Candy…Candy!’

  ‘What?’ I snap.

  ‘I said you’d be surprised how many people do it by accident. It’s probably that Monday morning feeling.’

  ‘It’s Thursday,’ I remind him.

  ‘Yeah, but any time I’m at work, it feels like a Monday, you know?’

  ‘Right, well, cheers,’ I say, hoping he’ll clear off. If Will comes out and sees him, he won’t be happy.

  The new guy takes a seat on my desk.

  ‘So, what you doing tonight?’ he asks.

  ‘Packing. I’m working away for a week from tomorrow,’ I tell him. Actually I’m already packed but he doesn’t need to know that. ‘Will is visiting the other branches of the company, making sure everything is in order. I’m his assistant so, I’m assisting.’

  ‘Nice gig, Candy, who did you have to sleep with to get that?’ he jokes.

  I don’t get a chance to correct him getting my name wrong again. I go to open my mouth just as Will’s office door opens.

  Both Will and Caroline walk out of his office, Will hurrying on his jacket.
/>   ‘Candice, I’m going to need to postpone the visits to the other offices,’ he tells me in that cold, forced professional tone that he uses with me in front of other people so as not to arouse suspicion. Unluckily for Will, I’ve been so looking forward to this trip that I temporarily forget to adopt a similar tone.

  ‘But you said it was important,’ I reply.

  ‘Some things are more important,’ Caroline replies.

  ‘But I had to plan my life around this week,’ I say to Will directly, hoping he’ll take the hint. What I mean is that we arranged this for a reason and it’s important. He can’t back out now, not the day before we’re due to leave. I don’t understand.

  ‘You’re absolutely right,’ he tells me as he pats his pockets, eventually locating his keys. ‘Listen, you’re right, I know it’s affected your plans. Everything is in place – take the trip. Treat it as a sort of working holiday,’ he babbles. ‘Take one of the girls from the sales department if you like. Have some fun. You’ve earned it.’

  ‘That’s most generous,’ Caroline can’t help but say.

  I look at him, puzzled. If he thinks a week off work staying in hotels with one of the ditzy sales team who he knows I’m not that friendly with is going to make up for him letting me down, he’s crazy.

  ‘But you said it was important,’ I say again with my voice, but with my eyes I’m pleading with him to reconsider.

  ‘Candice, take Mr Starr’s more than generous offer,’ Caroline insists. ‘He’s got a lot on his plate.’

  Will heads for the door.

  ‘But – ’ I start, but Caroline cuts me off.

  ‘Candice,’ Caroline snaps. ‘Mr Starr has to get to the hospital right away. His wife has gone into labour much earlier than is safe for the baby.’

  Will halts by the door and turns around and looks at me for a moment.

  ‘What?’ I ask quietly. I can’t have heard that right.

  ‘Hopefully everything will be OK,’ he tells me, and I’m not sure if he’s talking about the baby or our situation.